These gammon have been isolated from the political discussion by political correctness. Which I see as just a form of good manners. By condescending their generation with an updated lexicon you have handed them over to the right wing vultures. They haven’t wasted any time swooping in, giving them their own safe space. Where they can talk the way they always have and engage in political ideas at the same time. Trouble is, they are engaging with liars. They are being gaslighted by the right to the beat of all their favourite tunes. With all of their favourite food and refreshments (gammon).
Somewhere along the way we stopped laughing with each other. I don’t expect trans people or any other people with a british target on their back to laugh and smile and joke along, but those of us with the thicker skin and skulls should stay in the fight. I’m not going to laugh at some shitty joke at a refugees expense but if it comes to a conversation with the right person, I am going to just get them to get back to the point. I especially won’t give a fuck if they want to take the piss out of me. That’s how gammons make friends. We all need a safe space for politics and before that safe space becomes parler or just the daily mail in their van. I know they are used to getting what they want all the time, but its going to take some patience. That’s why you gotta pick your battles well, because we all only have so much of that. These are people who have a different concept of what respect is to me, but I can understand what they want.
I think that to turn the tide with gammons we are going to need a combination of three things to happen. Then they may not end up exactly “woke” but at least they won’t be fucking alseep or licking boots to thier own detriment.
The first thing we will need is for more of the boomers to die. Stay with me here, it gets bleaker. There were less rights for children when they were growing up as there was for millennials. Although their politics have certainly betrayed this trend when it comes to school aged britons now. They are more scared of their own parents than we are of ours. A lot of them have got some old codger breathing down their neck making sure they don’t do anything that doesn’t seem british, much like the scrutiny they might have put on us to ensure fragile masculinity or an imbalanced work ethic are passed on. You know how it is and it will be a lot easier for them to ignore a ghost or a photo on the table.
Next they are going to need reassurance that a left wing world will have a lot more of the things they like in it than they think. I know I am going to be generalizing here but come on, anglo saxons aren’t complicated and they are proud of that. They are already easily conflated with a cut of pork. I can definitely still see a place for football and barbeque in the world I want to be a part of. I genuinely think that their lives will improve and these men who are so afraid of being de emasculated will thrive in a less authoritarian world. All the Dad and lad stuff they enjoy so much will be more permissible. My Dad certainly laments that there has always been so much less I could get away with. I should ask him what he would get up to with no laws as he is drug free but pretty out there. A lot of Gammons would make excellent union leaders and reps, if they love confrontation and respect from their peers, the stone will required of such people would be fulfilled by men who feel politically sidelined and are angry about the state of their country. So angry they’ve gone pink, so is it really worse to be called pinko than gammon?
The third thing that is needed is a safe space, but for fucks sake never call it that in front of a gammon, they will flip their pineapple. They definitely have some snowflake tendencies but calling them out on it hasn’t gotten us anywhere. They have made some mistakes, and the gammon worth reaching are clever enough to know it. However, the football culture in our country has made it hard to lose in front of your mates. Hard to admit you were wrong. Most of all it is hard to go through the mental transition that people think is an insult called hypocrisy. All being a hypocrite means is someone has realized they have been wrong about something and there is a delay between this revelation and their behavior catching up with their new values. Bringing their values into line with logic and behavior. This can be a painful experience and political vultures will always make a dinner of someone’s cognitive dissonance. They can take the pain away by doubling down on the belief and forgetting the logic. It is easier than making the adjustments to ones life that can fit in with what they understand as right and wrong, so they give control. Your local conservative party candidate (Donna Jones - No Relation) or even UKIP, Qanon or Britain first recruiter will have the patience to convert their beliefs to make them comfortable, rather than allow their own will to take the challenge of living as they start to believe. Do not underestimate how valuable your favourite gammon would be to a fringe group. There is something worse than seeing a grown gammon cry and thats a gammon who never cries. Start the conversation with just them, ask them how you think their political decisions are panning out, in relation to some suffering or damage caused that you can expect them to understand. Let them climb down from their position of political superiority in the current climate. Don’t knock them off the top. Take things calmly, let them think that the fight is over, that the time for ‘unity’ is beginning. Let them concede their mistake by degrees and you will build a better ally (don’t fucking call them that too early!) as they will have taken the same logical route to political literacy you have. If they are aggressive when it comes to things like this, or they develop political theory and have decided where they stand without the help of a corrupting media then maybe just fuck them off. As, like I said, I don’t want to end the joke and there better be some gammons left to laugh at. Oink Oink!
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